Southern Sayings Part 2

Hey!  I’m glad you’re here!  This post is part of a 31 Day writing challenge hosted by The Nester.  During the month of October, I’m writing on Southern A Way of Life.  I will be back to my ‘regular’ posts in November.  Consider pushing that follow button to the right for all my latest posts.  Thanks y’all!

31 Day Button 2013.001Day 19

Southern sayings, phrases, idioms, and colloquialisms: Whatever you call them, in the South, they slip in and out of our conversations with nary a thought of our use of them.   Below, I’ve written a monologue for y’all filled with the most common idioms that I think we use.

The scene:  A woman talking to her friend over the phone.

“I swanee, I’m serious as a heart attack what he’s gone and done truly takes the cake, but I’m here to tell you, I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him.  He’d better get over here fast as all get out.  And he’d better not come home again drunk as Cooter Brown. I mean, what would my mama say?

In all my born days, I’ve never seen such a thing and I’m definitely gonna give him a piece of my mind. I had told him to come home directly afterwards.  He has had me running around like a chicken with my head cut off while he’s been living high on the hog.  Now that he’s drunker than a skunk, he’s in a bad way and couldn’t manage his way out of a paper bag.  He needs to learn what side to butter his bread on. 

He is getting too big for his britches and he’s gonna make me loose my religion.  I’m madder than a wet hen and I, sure as heck fire, didn’t fall off the turnip truck, yesterday!  When he didn’t come home, it scared the living daylights out of me and then, when he did get home, he had the gall to tell me whatever blows my dress up and not to get my panties in a wad!  I tell you, dadgummit, he best not open his mouth again, or, I’m gonna snatch him bald headed.

That girl? I don’t know her from Adam’s house cat.  She can’t carry a tune in a bucket though, I can tell you that.  At least, she’s not meaner than a yard dog and oh, my stars, it looks like she’s got a busted can of biscuits in that skirt. I think she might could be the best thing for him since sliced bread.  You know, like birds of a feather flocking together.  He’d better not go crawfishing his way out and acting like a bump on a log.  He is just slower than molasses to do anything and I’ll be sick as a dog if he looses her.  Sometimes, he just acts queerer than a three dollar bill.  I hear, her family is older than dirt and got money to burn.

My mama is gonna kill me, since I’ve been flying off the handle and airing my dirty laundry.  But, I reckon, you understand. Since, there was that time you went barking up the wrong tree with your champagne tastes on a beer budget. You were like country come to town.  Well, I don’t mean to open up that ole can of worms again. You’ve changed your ways and I know, I’m preaching to the choir these days.

Lordy, I’m having a sinking spell.  I probably bit off more than I can chew trying to cook supper for him and them.  I’m gonna plumb give out and be deader than a door nail before it’s all said and done.  Hopefully, they won’t come early and catch me with my pants down.  Whew!  I, already, feel full as a tick! 

I’d better go now and fix up a mess o’ fish to feed that hollow leg of his ’cause he’ll be over right quick and I don’t have diddlysquat ready.  Then, I’ve got to go to the beauty parlor ’cause my hair is all cattywumpus but y’all come on by if you get the chance.  We’re just cattycornered from the church over yonder near the store. It’s really just as far as the crow flies.  You might come sooner ’cause it’s supposed to rain cats and dogs tonight. When you get here, come find me and gimme some sugar. {just hold your horses, Bubba, I’m coming}  Catch ya later!”

Did you catch them all??  Doodlebug and I add some more to the list.

What are your favorite things Southerners say?

Blessings,

Mimi

“Words from a wise man’s mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips.”  Ecclesiastes 10:12  NIV Bible

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