Winter is really hard on me and this one, in particular, has been difficult. The weather has been like a roller coaster ride which has really affected me. My joints are swollen, some are red with fever and I feel a bone-weary tiredness from which no amount of sleep can cure. When I taught bible study this week, I had such a hard time focusing on leading discussion. I came home feeling like a failure to God and my ladies because I wasn’t able to give 100%. I know in my head that was the tiredness talking but my heart feels different.
I hate the disease’s imposition and interruption in my life. I don’t want it to take over by keeping and stopping me from doing what I’m capable of doing. I want to draw a line in the sand and say, “No More!” Then, the disease takes control and lays me out.
I take an IV every six weeks. The day wipes me out since the procedure takes a good portion of the day. I take my blanket, my pillow and my book, sometimes my Honey Do and I brace myself for those needles that I still hate to this day and then I pause and think … I’m grateful for medicine and the quick work of needles in the skilled hands of the nurses. I’m reminded in that moment that others have a far more difficult health journey than I, but the moment is hard when the pain, stiffness and fatigue peak. Then, the true test of gratitude is at its toughest.
I remember the day I read this passage;
I realized I didn’t want my life to be defined by my disease. I didn’t want to be an arthritic woman. I wanted to be a woman who happens to have arthritis. I want to say, “I can do” rather than ” I can’t do.” My hope and prayer is always that my journey and struggle would be a blessing to someone else.
Thank you, dear readers, for your patience today in letting me share the bad.
and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.”
Luke 4:40 NIV Bible