Here it is…

Here it is…

I kept waiting and putting off posting in the hopes that things would turn around but unfortunately, I’ve been having one of those weeks.  I’ve felt awful and have struggled to find energy to blog this week.  I really feel like I’ve let you down not having something wonderful (or otherwise) to read.  I almost chose not to write at all but I stopped and thought that if I’m going to write about the good things, maybe I should write about the bad, too.  Maybe writing about the journey will help someone else.  
So, here it is… Arthritis is yucky.  

Winter is really hard on me and this one, in particular, has been difficult.  The weather has been like a roller coaster ride which has really affected me.   My joints are swollen, some are red with fever and I feel a bone-weary tiredness from which no amount of sleep can cure.  When I taught bible study this week, I had such a hard time focusing on leading discussion.  I came home feeling like a failure to God and my ladies because I wasn’t able to give 100%I know in my head that was the tiredness talking but my heart feels different. 

I hate the disease’s imposition and interruption in my life.  I don’t want it to take over by keeping and stopping me from doing what I’m capable of doing.  I want to draw a line in the sand and say, “No More!”  Then, the disease takes control and lays me out.  

I take an IV every six weeks.  The day wipes me out since the procedure takes a good portion of the day.  I take my blanket, my pillow and my book, sometimes my Honey Do and I brace myself for those needles that I still hate to this day and then I pause and think … I’m grateful for medicine and the quick work of needles in the skilled hands of the nurses.  I’m reminded in that moment that others have a far more difficult health journey than I, but the moment is hard when the pain, stiffness and fatigue peakThen, the true test of gratitude is at its toughest.  

I remember the day I read this passage; 

 “Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem …in Jerusalem (is) a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda …Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—- the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.  One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”” Sir,” the invalid replied, ” I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred.  While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.” John 5:1-9 NIV Bible

 I realized I didn’t want my life to be defined by my disease.  I didn’t want to be an arthritic woman.  I wanted to be a woman who happens to have arthritis.  I want to say, “I can do” rather than ” I can’t do.My hope and prayer is always that my journey and struggle would be a blessing to someone else
Thank you, dear readers, for your patience today in letting me share the bad.  



“When the sun was setting, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness,
 and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.”  
Luke 4:40  NIV Bible

2 thoughts on “Here it is…

  1. Mimi — I'm so sorry yet thankful for your courage in sharing. You will be in my prayers. I remember once reading a post of Ann Voskamp's about how we are people, not the "person with _____" and your words remind me of that. When it's time to sort our identities from the heavy loads, thank you for reminding me that we're not defined by the load…and can work to not define others by theirs, either… Praying for you.

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